*post has expletives*

Jumped out my sleep during the dead of the morning darkness in great fear. Heart pounding, head sweating, overwhelmed, scared, near tears. Barely escaping a nightmare, nightmare of failure, despair, regret, what ifs, if then, if just, but if only. I was that guy I passed on the streets in the dead of winter, old, fragile, incoherent, desolate, drunk, broken and a string of other descriptions that can conjure up the images of a BUM.

As I gained composure, wiped that sweat away and regained my bearings, I could only think “FUCK! What am I doing with my life?” So much talent, potential, abilities, resources and I’m living an unfulfilled life. A regular life. A life I said I would never grow comfortable living. Scoffed at in my 20’s, yet embraced in my 30’s… comfortable.

The wife, the kids, the house and foreign car. The PTA meetings, grocery shopping and cleaning up playground scars. The American dream to many, normal, suffocating, mediocre… my American Nightmare. To many these would be life successes right? What else should you really ask for? “You’re healthy, alive and….” and empty. Empty because this is what we’re suppose to do, live a normal life of family and friends. Empty because in “Man’s search for meaning”, I’m still searching, still feeling like there should be more.

Some would yell “Ungrateful!” Suppose you had to live hand to mouth. Dodge bullets, become an amputee, survive cancer, fight a war and all that good shit. Real life shit! Over here in the comfort of an A/C filled house with the latest gadgets and tablets complaining about needing to be fulfilled. Better get it together, go whitewash that white picket fence and sip that $6 cup of coffee, sunroof down, diamond in the back, kick in the scene.

I’m very grateful, we all should be grateful for all that. But it’s not about getting more of those things, more overpriced tokens that we can brag about to our friends. “Got that new iphone 10 yet?” No it’s more about purpose. Living a bigger purpose than bickering with our friends about who hurt whose feelings. Bigger than losing family over dumb shit, feelings, hatred, anger, this person made me feel this way. More purpose than worrying about the antics of others, Basketball Wives, celebrity news, the neighbor’s uncut grass.

Or shit, maybe this is it. Maybe this is all there is to life. Being normal, happy and grateful. Living it, experiencing the ups and downs. Family, fun, friends. Get old then die! Waking up on the cold winter streets under a bus shed, without fun, friends and family. Going through the detours and losing it all. Or maybe, just maybe the nightmare is enough for me, for you, to wake up and do more, be more, be better. Make a new normal for us to be grateful for.

Wake Up – Be Amazing – Greatness.

– TRENDS

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